Bella Maree Lane
Pressure or Pleasure?
"When we change the way we look at things, the things we look at change."
- Wayne Dyer
February is a transitional time, finding itself after a month of reflection and New Year’s intentions. This month is also synonymous with Valentine’s Day.
Valentine’s can be a very tricky day for singles, those newly coupled or in the infancy of a new relationship, as well as those in long term relationships. So basically, everyone! It can be especially challenging for the men in our lives! Yes, I dared to be gender specific! I do however feel there is a little additional expectation and pressure on men. So is it merely a “Hallmark holiday”?
I’ve given this more than a little thought and came up
with the following. Do we actually need a special day of the year, designated solely for the celebration of love & romance? I think NOT and propose the following.
For those coupled I am offering the following as a beautiful way to both celebrate and deepen your connection:
I suggest each of you write out, in private, the script for your “perfect” Valentine’s Day. I challenge you to really go for it, being as vulnerable and transparent as you dare. Dive in under the superficial layer of candy, champagne, dinner, candles, gifts, etc. Describe a scenario you would love to see play out in full. Spare no detail, be as specific as possible. What we are looking for here, are the deeper feelings, those hidden from plain view, waiting to be uncovered and shared. The feelings underneath the superficial layer are where your truth lays. What is it you are secretly, covertly wishing to experience? Feelings such as safety, surprise, excitement, security, danger, passion, abandon, sensitivity, the darker side of eros … nothing is out of bounds. My challenge for each of you is to write out as fully and descriptively as possible, your desired “perfect” Valentine’s Day scenario and then share it with your partner. You will then take that information to create what you imagine would be the ideal scenario for your partner. Thank your partner and allow the shared information to deepen your intimate connection. Put any judgments to the side. See the truth underneath the words.
Now for my uncoupled peeps … I would love you to do the same, only you will write this to yourself and then do your best to give it to yourself. Take a walk in nature, meditate at the beach or lake, go for a run or hike, put on your favorite music, sing, dance, take a long luxurious bubble bath, complete with candles, music, dim lighting, rose petals, scented essential oils, buy yourself flowers and a gift, if that is part of your perfect day.
This past month has had its challenges and also been curious.
There is a huge new flock of blackbirds nesting in the trees outside my balcony. Each morning @5:15am sharp my mom and I rise to greet the day. It’s breakfast for me, tea for her, followed by our morning meditation ritual.
As my mom does her chanting, I find myself mesmerized by the birds, as they fly in formation, weaving, dipping & diving until they settle once again back into their respective trees.
I sit wistfully dreaming of the day I may join them! My New Year resolutions remain firmly in place … relax, enjoy, expend as little energy as possible, and have my favorite staff member up and active by 5:15am! So far, so good.
you all a beautiful February.
Make a lovely dinner, setting the table with nice china. Open champagne, wine, or cider. Set the scene for your erotic fantasy and spend some “adult” time, creating space for your fantasies, desires, and deepest yearnings, even those you consider “dark”. Give this day to yourself in the way you desire it would be given by your beloved.
I would love to know what you discover about yourself and your partner. How this practice deepened your connection and your intimacy.
It is my belief that we all desire the kind of love, sex & romance that cracks your body and heart wide open. Where we feel safe to share the unbridled truth of our heart and have it met with love, compassion, and non-judgment. Where we feel free to express and explore our secret desires & fantasies.
Dedicate this Valentine’s Day to the exploration of Love, Desire, Romance, and Intimacy, and what they really mean to you.
New Free Video.... Dating Dilemmas
Make love and relationship your priority!
If you are happily coupled, congratulations, if not this may be of interest to you or somebody you are close to. As I’m entrenched daily in the relationship/dating/intimacy arena, I hear so many stories from my clients who are perplexed and just a tad disenchanted in the world of dating. The who, how, what, where has changed. So I thought I would begin to address some of the most common questions and challenges in this 20-minute video.
I am going to delve into all aspects in the coming months, as I believe everyone deserves to find their special someone! Often your approach just needs a little tweaking.
Btw… if you’re reading this, chances are you have already completed my free 5-day relationship intimacy course. If NOT, please click here. The program is still available to anyone you might consider would benefit.
Here’s to upgrading your dating success into relationship success!
I received a fabulous new meditation cushion & mat (zafu and zabuton) for Christmas and absolutely love them. They came from Yogamatters and both are perfect (www.yogamatters.com). Organic cotton, can be hand washed and are made in India. I’ve been using mine every day and couldn’t imagine life without them now. Tristan has commandeered them as his favorite, newest sleeping place. It’s too sweet, he looks at me with one eye as I pass by as though to say … “may I help you?” as he purrs contentedly, taking in the morning sun.
Disclaimer: I do not receive any form of compensation from any company or its products. The above endorsement is purely from my personal experience and opinion.