Bella Maree Lane
2021 together we've got this!
"ENERGY FLOWS WHERE ATTENTION GOES...
WHAT YOU FOCUS ON MAGNIFIES"
Hi everyone, welcome to the beginning of 2021! It’s been a bit of a bumpy start, so let’s not be deterred from our personal goals and aspirations. Remember, energy flows where attention goes and what you focus on grows!!
New Year traditionally seems to be the perfect time for resolutions. Generally, we see resolutions as upgrades to our current reality. Our intentions are usually pure and filled with “hope”. This can get you into hot water, as it takes a little more than wishful, magical thinking to inspire real change. This week I did an amazing “refresher” class on successfully creating change in your life and what it takes. So I thought I would share some of the invaluable tips and tools I was blessed to be reminded of.
Why is change so difficult? Well, in the beginning we are in a certain state of mind & emotion when we make the decision to change something, and as you all know, minds and emotions are very fluid and malleable.
Here are some keys points to help guide and keep you on track; Set up your life conditions to support and focus your willpower!
- Choose ‘one’ habit you wish to change
- Design the ‘new’ habit or ritual down to the smallest detail and nuance. e.g., Meditation: what time of the day, how long, where you will do it, what are you going to sit on, what you are going to wear, will it be silent or use music, if you are using music pick the music, make sure you will be undisturbed, make sure your devices won’t interrupt you
- Do the new ritual at the same time and in the same way each and every day
- Doing the ritual at the beginning of the day creates maximum chance of success
- We have more willpower at the beginning of the day than the middle or end
When we are creating a new habit, it is easy in the very beginning, as though we are coasting down a hill, and then it quickly becomes more challenging. We start avoiding or making excuses such as …
‘Oh, it won’t hurt if I skip just today’, ‘I’ll do it later’,
‘It’s raining or it’s too hot’, ‘I’ll do double tomorrow’
‘Just one piece of pizza can’t hurt’
The holidays are one of my favorite times of the year. My number 1 staff member (Bella!) is upbeat and amenable, busy carefully placing all kinds of sparkly baubles and trinkets throughout the house. There is a fun array of bags for me to explore and snuggle into regardless of what may be in them. I managed to flash my tail several times near one of the little trees, only to hear the inevitable tinkle and crash of some irritating little ball now laying in pieces on the floor. ‘Not well placed mom’ is what I think to myself.
For me every day is special as I live only in the present moment. No guilt, no remorse and no regrets!!
I love my life and hope the same is true for you.
‘Habit Gravity’ is trying to pull us back down to the
“norm”. This is where you need to employ and engage your WILLPOWER to work through your resistance. Your willpower is the equivalent of a rocket booster, which will propel you upwards breaking through the gravitational pull of habit gravity to FREEDOM! Once you break through your resistance, it becomes much easier to stay on track. The new habit you fought for has now become your “New Normal”.
Congratulations, change has taken place! If you choose you may move to the next habit or aspect of your life you would like to change or improve. Remember one habit at a time is perfect. Habits are akin to a puzzle where you simply keep placing new puzzle pieces in place, often leading to the creation of an entirely new way of thinking, feeling and behaving. Each new version of you is an iteration on the previous one.
Doing this builds your esteem. You gain power and agency knowing you have the resources, determination and strength to change, design & reorganize your life according to your current desires.
Relating and dating!
In the past few months I have noticed a dramatic increase in people’s curiosity and challenges in the area of relationships, dating & mating. Perhaps our world circumstances have had us looking more deeply at what our life is really all about. What are our hopes, dreams and aspirations? What our true purpose in life might be?
This inquiry shows me that my clients are ready to begin the journey of self discovery, healing and awareness. Or at least dip a toe in the water! They are more curious than ever about how the past is affecting their choices in the present and how they can finally break free.
The past matters because it’s where we hold our memories and patterns. Often, we are responding or reacting to the present moment from unconscious wounds echoing back to us from childhood. The family we were raised in leaves indelible imprints on our psyche relative to how we view and conduct our relationships. Growing up were your primary relationships safe, respectful, loving, compassionate experiences or was the converse true and you experienced anger, volatility, chaos, unpredictability, punishment (both physical and emotional) & abandonment, or perhaps a mixture of the two?
The space I open and create for my clients is to gently peel back the layers to discover where and how they came to believe the things they do. It’s very tricky to see our own patterns, much easier to see someone else’s … right? The fish doesn’t see the water it swims in. That’s the point of having a therapist/coach/mentor to help us see our shadow and blindspots. Why go through the pain of reliving difficult experiences you long since left behind? This is a poignant question, given that as humans we are wired to avoid pain and move towards pleasure. Well, it’s like this. If you refuse to look at the past you will be destined to repeat it in both the present and future. That is not to suggest we want to stay “stuck“ dwelling in the past, it’s more a matter of creating awareness and insight for yourself and developing compassion for the difficult experiences you endured and encountered.
Families are not always “perfect” albeit people were doing their very best. Some of us suffered excruciating pain and suffering and carry the shadow of this with us until we work it through. Well established patterns of feeling, thinking and behavior will show up everywhere no matter how many times you change partners, jobs or countries. Your shadow follows you everywhere. The only way out is to go inwards. Through this process you will uncover what influences are continuing to affect your life today in suboptimal ways, and gently remove and clear those obstacles and burdens, so you may be free to create the life and relationships you deeply desire and deserve.
In the coming months I’m focusing all of my energy and attention to these crucial aspects of our human experience.
How to learn from the past, integrate it with wisdom, compassion and forgiveness and move forward in a brand new way.
"What you seek, is seeking you"
Beginning in 2002, Gwen Whiting and Lindsey Boyd spent two years researching and developing the very elixirs they personally longed for. Their result is the highly effective, plant-based line of laundry and home cleaning products you find today online and in stores around the world. Each product is carefully crafted to work its magic on a specific fabric or surface with outstanding results.
It is a work of art built on science. The Laundress collection is sophisticated, eco-conscious, and easy to use.
Disclaimer: This is my personal opinion and experience. I receive absolutely NO compensation of any type or form for the following endorsement. I have been using The Laundress for more than 7 years and wouldn’t dream of using anything else and simply wanted to share it with you all.